• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • About – Contact
  • Facebook
  • All The Reviews

Now Very Bad...

...now bass solo.

  • Home
  • Movies
    • #WWMD
  • TV
  • Books
  • Music
    • Now Very Beast – Iron Maiden: The Next Ten Years (podcast)
    • #live
  • Everything Else
    • About – Contact
      • Frequently Used Terms
    • All The Reviews
    • All the Series
    • #improbibabble
    • #haikommute
    • Posts
    • Enjoy yourself
    • Quotes

1982

Mazes and Monsters (1982)

Dungeons & Dragons turned 40 years old in January of this year (2014). In recognition, we are rebranding our site for one week to Now Very Beholder… and focusing just on the films that star or in some way revolve around D&D.

Dungeons and Dragons


140 Character Movie Review – #140RVW

Yikes! Hunting down obscure things you thought were rumors seldom ends well. Barely watchable – for historical interest only… #FarOutGame

Mazes and Monsters

Spoiler-free Movie Review of Mazes and Monsters:

In yesterday’s Now Very Beholder review of Dark Dungeons, I advised you to go watch this movie instead if you wanted a humorous look at the Dungeons & Dragons paranoia. While I stand by my assertion that this tv movie is a more interesting time capsule, I want to make it very clear that I am not suggesting that you watch this movie. I don’t want that on my conscience…

Mazes and Monsters

It certainly is true, however that Mazes and Monsters is an entertaining diversion when you want to laugh openly at the foolishness of fundamentally scared and ignorant people. If you lived through this time and know better, it’s terribly amusing – unintentionally of course. Sort of like watching Reefer Madness or old government “duck and cover” educational films. It probably makes for a fantastic drinking game, too…

Mazes and Monsters
“I am the maze controller. The god of this universe I have made. The absolute authority. Only I know the perilous course which you are about to take. Your fate is in my hands.”

Possibly the only reason non-gamers would have sought this out is its unfortunate inclusion at the top of Tom Hanks’ filmography. The man has produced a great body of work and has nothing to feel bad about, but it must be a little bit galling to have this on his record. Maybe he could apply to have it removed?

What’s interesting, actually, is that he is definitely Tom Hanks in this one. Often when you see a now famous actor in an early role they are barely recognizable. Visually you see it, but they don’t have any real presence. But this really is a starring role and  you can definitely see the outline of what he’s going to become.

Mazes and Monsters

The story of Mazes and Monsters is as absurd as its premise deserves. Back in 1979 a young student named James Dallas Egbert III disappeared from Michigan State University. He went into the steam tunnels that ran under the school and didn’t return. His parents hired a private investigator, William Dear, who didn’t let the fact that he had never heard of  D&D before, nor the fact that Egbert’s friends had no knowledge of Egbert playing the game, prevent him from speculating to the press that Egbert had become obsessed with the game and went into the tunnels to play a live-action version of the game. While LARPing did exist in the late 70’s, coming up with this theory requires quite a LARP of faith (ar, ar, ar…)

Mazes and Monsters

Nevertheless, the press ate it up and reported it as fact. Never mind the fact that the boy was isolated, depressed and left a suicide note, Dungeons & Dragons must be the cause. Egbert had indeed gone to the steam tunnels to commit suicide, but was unsuccessful. He hid afterwards for weeks at friends’ houses before heading to Louisiana for a second failed suicide attempt. The youth did reach out to the PI while down there and asked Dear not to reveal the story, before a final suicide attempt in 1980 succeeded. Dear kept his promise to keep Egbert’s true story secret until 1984 when he published his account of the incident in the book The Dungeon Master.

Mazes and Monsters

Despite not being true, the idea that D&D and RPGs could cause a person to lose their identity and be unable to distinguish fantasy and reality was simply too good to pass up, and author Rona Jaffe didn’t, publishing the 1981 novel Mazes and Monsters, a barely fictionalized account of the apocryphal Egbert story. The made-for-tv movie that I’m only now getting around to talk about is similarly uninspired drivel.

Mazes and Monsters

Hanks plays the youth (Robbie) who goes off the reservation. He’s new to the college, having been booted out of his last school for playing too much Mazes and Monsters. All four players in the campaign are troubled, of course, providing some backstory but mainly just padding the runtime. One of the players, Jay Jay (Chris Makepeace) discovers the off-limits steam tunnels and rigs them with theater props to create a live-action campaign for the others. While in there, Robbie freaks out during a trippy sequence where he believes he slays a mighty monster and becomes his character, Pardieu the cleric. After that he’s no fun at all, breaking up with the only girl who plays the game in order to maintain a cleric’s vow of celibacy and obsessing about jumping off the Two Towers (being New York’s WTC).

Mazes and Monsters

Being able to laugh at how nutty a movie is only takes you so far in my experience. Your mileage may vary. If you like watching movies “so bad they’re good” you might have more stamina than I. My mistake may have been watching it by myself and/or not turning it into a drinking game. I’d recommend this game only to serious RPG fans and even then only to watch it with a group of same, preferably while partaking of mead…

The reviews for these two paranoia films may seem a bit unfair to the filmmakers and fans of Dark Dungeons as it appears I’m applauding in this film what I disliked about the other. The difference is entirely in the context; this movie is a relic of a time when this was a serious concern. The only thing at all wrong with Dark Dungeons (to me) is that throwback never plays like the original…

Mazes and Monsters

Check out these guys who have actually created an RPG called Mazes and Monsters: http://blogofholding.com/?page_id=370

Poster:

Mazes and Monsters

Trailer:

Actually, I think this is the whole movie. I couldn’t find a trailer…

Bechdel Test:

Fail

The Representation Test Score: D (2 pts)

(http://therepresentationproject.org/grading-hollywood-the-representation-test/)

Mazes and Monsters Representation Test

[schema type=”movie” name=”Mazes and Monsters” description=”Bound together by a desire to play “Mazes and Monsters,” Robbie and his four college classmates decide to move the board game into the local legendary cavern. Robbie starts having visions for real, and the line between reality and fantasy fuse into a harrowing adventure.” director=”Steven Hilliard Stern” actor_1=”Tom Hanks” ]

Main Cast Tom Hanks Robbie Wheeling, Wendy Crewson Kate Finch, David Wallace Daniel, Chris Makepeace Jay Jay Brockway
Rating PG
Release Date Tue 28 Dec 1982 UTC
Director Steven Hilliard Stern
Genres Fantasy, Drama
Plot Bound together by a desire to play “Mazes and Monsters,” Robbie and his four college classmates decide…
Poster Mazes and Monsters
Runtime 120
Tagline Danger lurks between fantasy and reality.
Writers Rona Jaffe (novel), Tom Lazarus (teleplay)
Year 1982

December 9, 2014Filed Under: Reviews, TV Tagged With: #NowVeryBeholder, 1982

The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters (1982)

140 Character Movie Review – #140RVW

May be the best kept secret in America. Should be a holiday classic watched every July 4th, except WGBH/PBS never re-airs it. Fatal mistake.

The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters

Spoiler-free Movie Review of The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters:

Jean Shepherd was an unique voice and national treasure. Many people loved his various radio & tv performances over the years, but he is probably best remembered as co-writer and narrator of A Christmas Story. And what a great legacy to be remembered by, of course. But there are a great many other of his tales out there, even if they require some searching.

The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters

My dad loved Jean Shepherd from his performances on WGBH in Boston and a show run on PBS American Playhouse. They made four shows for American Playhouse, one being The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters. I saw it as a kid growing up in the suburbs of Boston, and it is the only one I’ve seen to date, but I will be looking for the rest, because it is amazing. Having found it on Youtube (thanks interwebs!) I watched it for the first time since it aired in 1982. It is even better than I remembered…

The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters

The story finds the same family from A Christmas Story but takes place when Ralphie is in high school, and played by a very young Matt Dillon. Ralph plays in the high school band (played by the Chelmsford High School Marching Band) and fancies himself a cultured stud who feels put upon when he is talked into taking his friend’s cousin out on a date. He’s got to endure a blind date, march in the parade, and be ready for the Old Man’s massive fireworks spectacular. And he can’t even find a wash cloth…

The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters

 

The show shines the same insightful light on the Fourth of July as the film did on Christmas, and all of the hallmarks of that picture are here: that great narration, the zany schemes of the characters, the side-splitting scenarios when life intervenes, all with that great heart and nostalgia-tinged recollection of a master storyteller. A must-see…

Trailer (actually, it’s a playlist containing the whole show):

Bechdel Test:

Pass

The Representation Test Score: D (3 pts)

(http://therepresentationproject.org/grading-hollywood-the-representation-test/)

The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters Representation Test

 

[schema type=”movie” name=”The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters” description=”Matt Dillon plays a young Jean Shepherd (author and narrator of A Christmas Story). Through Matt, Shep tells several humorous stories about his teen years in an Indiana steel town.” director=”Richard Bartlett” actor_1=”Matt Dillon” ]

Main Cast Matt Dillon Ralph, James Broderick Dad, Barbara Bolton Mom, Babe Sargent Ludlow Kissel
Rating
Release Date Tue 16 Mar 1982 UTC
Director Richard Bartlett
Genres Comedy, Drama
Plot Matt Dillon plays a young Jean Shepherd (author and narrator of A Christmas Story). Through Matt, Shep tells several humorous stories about his teen years in an Indiana steel town.
Poster
Runtime 56
Tagline
Writers Jean Shepherd
Year 1982

July 4, 2014Filed Under: #WWMD, Reviews, TV Tagged With: 1982

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

140 Character Movie Review – #140RVW

Destined to be the breakout film for the Austrian Oak. No one else could have played Conan. No other role would have made him a superstar…

Conan the Barbarian

Spoiler-free Movie Review of Conan the Barbarian:

It’s such a shame that Arnold Schwarzenegger has become such a polarizing figure. I suppose he was always controversial, but many of us were blissfully unaware of the baggage he brought around with him. During the 1980’s & 90’s, you could simply enjoy the sheer awesomeness of Ahnold.

Conan the Barbarian
The competition for Worst Wig is heated this year…

I am aware that this film was recently remade in 2011 with Jason Momoa (Game of Thrones) as the titular character. I’m not sure if I’ll ever watch it. There is absolutely no upside to remaking such an iconic film.

Conan the Barbarian
Jorge Sanz, perfectly cast as young Conan. Eerie resemblance…

And Conan is an iconic film – a fantastic movie. I know that statement will strike some as preposterous, but it’s true – it’s a very good movie.

Conan the Barbarian

It certainly took a long time to make. The character debuted in the pulp fiction pages of Weird Tales magazine in 1932, with creator Robert E. Howard penning some 20 tales before his untimely death in 1936 at age 30. The character was revived by authors L. Sprague DeCamp and Lin Carter (and others) in novel form, but it may have been the covers by famed fantasy artist Frank Frazetta that are the most indelible image of Conan the Cimmerian.

Edward Summer was the first person to work toward turning Conan into a film character, enlisting executive producer Edward R. Pressman as early as 1975. It would take 7 years to make the film a reality. Along the way there was a crazy script written by an admittedly drugged-out Oliver Stone (who would retain partial screenwriting credit) and the acquisition of a co-producer (legend Dino De Laurentiis) and co-writer/director in John Milius.

Conan the Barbarian
Studying Article II of the Constitution regarding the “natural born” citizen requirement for Presidency, looking for loopholes…

But it was the casting of bodybuilder and aspiring actor Arnold Schwarzenegger in the title role that really would sell this picture. While there were other strongmen who could have filled the role (one of Schwarzenegger’s friends and competitors Franco Columbu is in the film), none could have really owned the part the way Ahnold did. It really is his picture.

Conan the Barbarian

It’s the perfect role for him. His inexperience, his struggle with the accent, all of these are good things for the role – he’s a barbarian. I love that Schwarzenegger had to do his own stunts because they couldn’t possibly find a suitable body double. His physique is only more impressive when you realize he had to cut back on his workouts because he didn’t have any range of motion to use a sword – he was too huge. What’s sort of amusing to me, even on the thousandth viewing, is that he plays a thief. It’s just kind of funny to have someone so huge and without subtlety in the role of thief. Totally makes me question all those dice rolls…

Conan the Barbarian

The story is very good, although not so good that I’m going to summarize it here – it would sound silly. And I suppose to some degree it is, but it works well for this type of picture. The plot is based on a number of different Howard storylines, coaxed by Milius into shape by appropriating bits from other films like Seven Samurai. The dialogue is a great collection of funny lines – some of which were actually meant to be funny.

Conan the Barbarian

The acting by non-Austrian bodybuilders is fine, with James Earl Jones & Max Von Sydow along to provide gravitas in bad wigs. And the best thing about the film may well be the score by Basil Poledouris – simply gorgeous.

Conan the Barbarian

Despite primitive effects, it’s a good looking film. It looks like it could have been made more or less anytime pre-CG. While it was meant to be the beginning of a franchise, the crappy sequel and the rise of Ahnold made that difficult, although they seem to be seriously planning a new movie now that the Governator has returned to acting…

Conan the Barbarian

Conan the Barbarian is a fantastically fun picture. It’s stupid violent, with no subtlety and absolutely no cultural sensitivity. It scores a zero on the Representation Test and isn’t likely to be screened for my daughter any time soon. And I LOVE it. It’s one of my favorite movies and I simply refuse to apologize for it, by Crom…

Conan the Barbarian

Poster:

Trailer:

Bechdel Test:

Fail

The Representation Test Score: F (0 pts)

Shocking, right?

(http://therepresentationproject.org/grading-hollywood-the-representation-test/)

Conan the Barbarian Representation Test
[schema type=”movie” name=”Conan the Barbarian” description=”A vengeful barbarian warrior sets off to avenge his tribe and his parents whom were slain by an evil sorcerer and his warriors when he was a boy.” director=”John Milius” actor_1=”Arnold Schwarzenegger” actor_2=”James Earl Jones”]

Main Cast Arnold Schwarzenegger Conan, James Earl Jones Thulsa Doom, Max von Sydow King Osric, Sandahl Bergman Valeria
Rating R
Release Date Fri 14 May 1982 UTC
Director John Milius
Genres Action, Fantasy, Adventure
Plot A vengeful barbarian warrior sets off to avenge his tribe and his parents whom were slain by an evil sorcerer and his warriors when he was a boy.
Poster Conan the Barbarian
Runtime 129
Tagline He conquered an empire with his sword. She conquered HIM with her bare hands.
Writers Robert E. Howard (stories), John Milius (written by) …
Year 1982

June 28, 2014Filed Under: Movies, Reviews Tagged With: 1982

Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1980)

#140RVW

Less a movie than a film school exercise as Steve Martin remixes old noir films with even older one-liners. Still works more often than not.

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

What’s more:

On paper this really shouldn’t work; inserting yourself into a bunch of old movies and making smart ass remarks. It would be sort of like having a bunch of guys sitting in the audience and heckling a movie and just showing the backs of their heads…wait a second…

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

But it does work, because the year is 1982 and Steve Martin is about the funniest person on the planet. Some of the jokes work very well, my favorite being a running gag scolding Bogart for not wearing a tie. Many others are just rote smarmy responses that simply advance the story. Actually, it’s probably true to say that while this exercise in remixing old films works, it isn’t funny so much as irreverent.

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

The concept of mashing up old films into a new film is intriguing, though. I’m sure someone will make (and probably already has) a truly unique project this way, though it will probably never see the light of day for rights reasons…

Poster:

Trailer:

Bechdel Test:

Fail

Main Cast Steve Martin Rigby Reardon, Rachel Ward Juliet Forrest, Alan Ladd The Exterminator (archive footage), Carl Reiner Field Marshall VonKluck
Rating PG
Release Date Fri 21 May 1982 UTC
Director Carl Reiner
Genres Comedy, Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Plot Film noir parody with a detective uncovering a sinister plot. Characters from real noirs appear as scenes from various films are intercut.
Poster Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Runtime 88
Tagline Laugh… or I’ll blow your lips off!
Writers Carl Reiner (written by) &, George Gipe (written by) …
Year 1982

February 18, 2014Filed Under: Movies, Reviews Tagged With: 1982

#140RVW: Blade Runner (1982)

140 Character Movie Review – #140RVW

Possibly too prophetic to be truly “fun”, this set the standard forever. Many versions lead to many views. More human than human indeed…

Blade Runner

Spoiler-free Movie Review of Blade Runner:

Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner Blade Runner

Poster:

Trailer:

Bechdel Test:

Fail

The Representation Test Score: D (1 pts)

(http://therepresentationproject.org/grading-hollywood-the-representation-test/)

Blade Runner Representation Test

 

[schema type=”movie” name=”Blade Runner” description=”In a cyberpunk vision of the future, man has developed the technology to create replicants, human clones used to serve in the colonies outside Earth but with fixed lifespans. In Los Angeles, 2019, Deckard is a Blade Runner, a cop who specializes in terminating replicants. Originally in retirement, he is forced to re-enter the force when four replicants escape from an off-world colony to Earth.” director=”Ridley Scott” actor_1=”Harrison Ford” actor_2=”Rutger Hauer” actor_3=”Sean Young” actor_1=”Harrison Ford” actor_4=”Daryl Hannah” actor_5=”Edward James Olmos” actor_6=”M. Emmet Walsh” actor_7=”William Sanderson” ]

Main Cast Harrison Ford Rick Deckard, Rutger Hauer Roy Batty, Sean Young Rachael, Edward James Olmos Gaff
Rating R
Release Date Fri 25 Jun 1982 UTC
Director Ridley Scott
Genres Sci-Fi, Thriller
Plot A blade runner must pursue and try to terminate four replicants who stole a ship in space and have returned to Earth to find their creator.
Poster Blade Runner
Runtime 117
Tagline A Futuristic Vision Perfected [2007 Final Cut]
Writers Hampton Fancher (screenplay) and, David Webb Peoples (as David Peoples) (screenplay) …
Year 1982

September 15, 2012Filed Under: #140RVW, Movies, Reviews Tagged With: 1982, AFI Top 100

Primary Sidebar

Categories

Tags

#halloweek #NowVeryBat #NowVeryBeholder 1964 1979 1980 1982 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 AFI Top 100 Article Christmas documentary iron maiden MiyazakiMarchMondays movies short

Footer

Categories

  • All The Reviews
  • Every Series
  • My Personal Top 10

Tags

#halloweek #NowVeryBat #NowVeryBeholder 1964 1979 1980 1982 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 AFI Top 100 Article Christmas documentary iron maiden MiyazakiMarchMondays movies short

Copyright © 2026 · Now Very Bad

Loading Comments...