2000

Dungeons & Dragons turned 40 years old in January of this year (2014). In recognition, we are rebranding our site for one week to Now Very Beholder… and focusing just on the films that star or in some way revolve around D&D.

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140 Character Movie Review – #140RVW

Very few redeeming features to this absolutely awful picture that looks like a (bad) tv show, which it almost certainly should have been…

Spoiler-free Movie Review of Dungeons & Dragons:

Look, let’s start from the premise that this is a bad movie, but not as bad as you’ve been told. Because it isn’t. Oh, it certainly isn’t good; it’s not even ok. But it isn’t the worst movie you’ve ever seen or even close. Damning with faint praise, I know…

But I’m going out on a limb saying even that much. This movie is reviled and the reasons are all too obvious. Even if it didn’t have to overcome fanboy expectation and criticism it is by several yards quite awful. But upon my second viewing I did catch glimpses of things that, watered properly and with the guidance of a professional, could have borne fruit. Unfortunately, due at least partially to the meddling of TSR (former owners of the brand), the film was shepherded by a completely inexperienced team who are simply in over their heads.

Rather than hashing out the plot and picking apart every boneheaded decision, I’m just going to include my notes, typed out while watching for the second time (the first time, years ago, I had my eyes closed for most of the time):

• You know, if this was a made for tv project, no one would really complain.
• It’s fine until people show up on screen and start talking.
• Ridley & Snails – do we really have to follow these idiots through the whole movie?
• Damodar – blue lips. Then later he gets bright red ears – how could any producer worth their salt allow this? I note with interest if not surprise that once they bring him back for the sequel the blue lips mysteriously disappear.

• This worm thing in Damodar’s head is a deal-breaker. It’s gross and off-putting.
• Profion – for every time you wonder why people use awful wigs in fantasy films, Jeremy Irons is here to provide the answer – normal haircuts just look weird in these movies.

• The effects aren’t good but not awful either – for the time.
• I’d like to say the acting is terrible, but really I’m not sure that’s fair. The actors are just doing what they’re being told. If they are given a dreadful script and bad production and poor direction, I don’t know how this could go any other way.

• While this is mostly crap that looks like the producers have never played the game, just had it explained to them, there are elements that betray an actual involvement by the game creators. The maze sequence is actually quite excellent and very much in the spirit of D&D.
• Some of the sets are pretty good, if filmed in a better light.
• I admit that the appearance of the Eye of the Beholder about halfway through the movie is a welcome sight (heh, heh) for an old D&D fan. Ditto the quicksand rug.
• As terrible as this movie is, with not a lot of work it could have actually been very good. They did a lot of the heavy lifting, but it’s deeply flawed. Just shooting the thing properly would have upgraded it to merely “not very good”. Losing a couple of the humor-first characters like Snails and the dwarf and would have at least have made it something fanboys could argue about.

• Amazingly, it’s about an hour into the movie before the first real swordwork. And it’s brief at that – more fist fighting than anything else. Guess they didn’t want to spend the budget on sword training.
• It is actually fun to watch Marlon Wayans get beaten to a pulp.
• The mage has completely lost her ability to do any magic once there are boys around
• Elf land is cool looking and best depiction until LOTR showed up a year later.
• The elf’s breastplate is literally that. It even has nipples. Really?

• 75 minutes in our hero enters a dungeon – this is the scene we’ve been waiting for. This hints at what a good D&D movie could be like.
• Dragon on dragon fighting is why we are here.

I’m not going to try to convince you not to hate Dungeons & Dragons. It’s cheesy, poorly filmed and directed and stuffed with poor attempts at humor. But if you squint you can find moments that confirm your belief that a good Dungeons & Dragons movie could be made one day. The made for tv sequels were worlds better, possibly because they punched their weight. Or in this case, fought beasts of their own level…

Poster:

Trailer:

Bechdel Test:

Pass

The Representation Test Score: D (3 pts)

(http://therepresentationproject.org/grading-hollywood-the-representation-test/)

[schema type=”movie” url=”http://dnd.wizards.com/” name=”Dungeons & Dragons” description=”The Empire of Izmer has long been a divided land. The Mages – an elite group of magic-users – rule whilst the lowly commoners are powerless. Izmer’s young Empress, Savina, wants equality and prosperity for all, but the evil Mage Profion is plotting to depose her and establish his own rule. The Empress possesses a scepter which controls Izmer’s Golden Dragons. To challenge her rule, Profion must have the scepter, and tricks the Council of Mages into believing Savina is unfit to hold it. Knowing that Profion will bring death and destruction to Izmer, Savina must find the legendary Rod of Savrille, a mythical rod that has the power to control Red Dragons, a species even mightier than the Gold. Enter two thieves, Ridley and Snails, who unwittingly become instrumental in Savina’s search for the Rod. Joined by a feisty Dwarf named Elwood, and helped by the Empress’s expert tracker, the Elf Norda, the young heroes go in search of the Rod of Savrille. From the deadly maze of the Thieves Guild…” director=”Courtney Solomon” actor_1=”Jeremy Irons” ]

Main Cast	Justin Whalin Ridley Freeborn, Jeremy Irons Profion, Zoe McLellan Marina Pretensa, Bruce Payne Damodar
Rating	PG-13
Release Date	Fri 08 Dec 2000 UTC
Director	Courtney Solomon
Genres	Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Plot	Profion, a tyrant, attempts to overthrow a peaceful kingdom ruled by a tough empress.
Poster
Runtime	107
Tagline	This is no game.
Writers	Topper Lilien (written by) &, Carroll Cartwright (written by)
Year	2000