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Category: Reviews

A Christmas Story (1983)

#140RVW

Proud to say I saw the initial theatrical release 30 years ago. Spent years trying to convince others to watch it. I think I can stop now…

What’s more:

For a long time I couldn’t watch this movie. We were early to the party on this one. My dad loved Jean Shepherd from his performances on WGBH in Boston and a show run on PBS American Playhouse “The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters”. (I haven’t seen that in 30 years but would love to see it again (time to search the interwebs). According to iMDb (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084022/) it starred Matt Dillon and was shot in Boston.

So when A Christmas Story was announced, my dad made sure we got to it. I tried in vain to tell everyone I knew how funny it was, and dad screened it at his school for years. We taped it off of tv at some point and any time friends came over to the house it was one of the movies they always wanted to watch (along with Holy Grail). So I got sort of sick of it. And when it started running 24 hours a day at Christmas, I no longer needed to actively plan to sit down to watch it. I’d catch a bit here or there, and enjoyed it exactly as much as any other annual Christmas special.

But this year I wanted my daughter to see it properly, not piecemeal. So we sat down and I re-discovered a nearly perfect movie. There were no revelatory moments; everything was just where I’d left it. But it was a true pleasure to accompany my girl into her first viewing and remind myself just how funny each gag is. And, yes, it holds up. Not just for me – she laughed herself silly…

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Trailer:

December 29, 2013
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

#140RVW

Better than 1st in most ways. Tony Head replaces Brosnan. Clearer but maybe not as epic; toothless. New characters mixed bag – Tyson cool…

What’s more:

Since the first movie doesn’t seem to have many supporters, it was a little surprising a sequel was green-lit. Thank the gods for international receipts. Personally, I think a sequel was warranted; it’s a great premise, a good setting, and the books have sold well.

The feedback on this one was almost universally, “it’s much better than the first movie”. Damning with faint praise, maybe, but after listening to the bitterness and derision towards the Lightning Thief film from fans of the book, I guess this is progress.

“This is the fabled Golden Fleece. It can heal anything. So if we lay it across the franchise…”

And it is better. Not night and day better. Despite my protestations, my daughter couldn’t wait to tell me all the things they got wrong, and which parts actually were in the first book and that they made up the majority of the ending. I was trying to review the films themselves, not the adaptations. But it’s very hard to divorce the two when watching anything that has been adapted.

Character development is slightly better, but then, it couldn’t have been worse. The ridiculous looking centaur played by Pierce Brosnan has been replaced by a ridiculous looking centaur played by Anthony Stewart Head. A very cool character named Tyson has been added. A very annoying character named Clarisse has also been added. These take time away from the sidekicks Grover & Annabeth, who really didn’t have time to spare.

“Still waiting for something to do…”

Stanley Tucci continues to make the rounds on the cameo circuit to no useful end, but the cameo of 2013 goes to Captain Hammer, Nathan Fillion.

“This shield is not the hammer…”

All in all, I thought this movie was exactly ok. I didn’t have the baggage that the fans of the novels were burdened with, so I took this as it came. And it was fine. No more than fine, but fine.

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Trailer:

December 28, 2013
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)

#140RVW

Lightning doesn’t strike twice for Columbus. Haven’t read books so there was no letdown. Never takes itself seriously enough. Poor casting.

“I wondered when we might be seeing you, Mr. Potter…err…Jackson.”

What’s more:

Many people love these books, including my wife and daughter. I haven’t read them yet, and after seeing how disappointed they were in the movie version, I don’t think I’ll be reading these until all the movies are done. Just seems that these types of fantasy movies are always better if you haven’t read the source material.

The effects are pretty good, and it’s really cool to see many of these classic creatures like the Hydra & Minotaur come to life. It’s a great premise for a movie & book series, and that makes up for a lot. Not for Uma Thurman as Medusa, but a lot.

“With this new selfie, maybe my career can get back on track. This may be my hottest role since Poison Ivy.”

The issue I had with the movie more than anything is that it just doesn’t seem to take itself seriously; the characters always seem to be smirking or making flip jokes. There’s tons of action, but there never seems to be any real peril. Partly this is the young actors lack of experience, but mostly it’s the direction and/or script.

The characters mainly seem under-developed. Percy has absolutely no character arc. The Annabeth character doesn’t really have much to do. Don’t know if the character of Grover in the book is given the job of being the wise-cracking sidekick with the stereotypical black character lines, but the filmmakers clearly were looking to fill a certain need.

“Remember me? I’m kind of a big deal in the book.”

Maybe I’m just not the right audience for this. If this came out when I was a teen I probably would have loved it like I loved the old Clash of the Titans. (I haven’t had the courage to watch the remake.)

I really love the fact that the main character’s dyslexia & ADHD are actually products of his demigod status and gifts; it’s a nice touch and empowering message for kids dealing with these learning disorders.

Some really awful casting decisions here. Joey Pants? Rosario Dawson as Persephone? Steve Coogan is like the paring knife of actors – absolutely perfect for certain things, but if you try to use it for anything else it just doesn’t quite feel right. Sean Bean is at his Sean Beaniest (this is a good thing). Catherine Keener is a wonderful actress but somewhat underused here.

Surprised that this earned the right to a sequel; heard that it did well overseas. Let’s see if #2 is better…

Moira’s take:

Hydra-horrible film. So many important characters from the book left out or reduced. Didn’t even touch on 2 of the major parts of the story.

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December 27, 2013
#140RVW: The Black Candle (2008)

Fascinating doc about little-understood holiday. Sort of 2 films; 1st half could easily be great standalone doc on African-American history.

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December 26, 2013
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
140 Character Movie Review – #140RVW

If they would simply rebroadcast this 1 time, all criticism of the prequels would immediately cease. Worst moment in history; can’t unsee…

Spoiler-free Movie Review of The Star Wars Holiday Special:

35 years ago, on Thanksgiving 1978, the world ended. Everything since then has been simply trying to pick up the pieces.

To see the Star Wars Holiday Special is to die a little. Think of the Nazis looking into the Ark of the Covenant at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

It’s entirely possible that the special is in fact an anti-drug educational film. After all, no one would ever consider using cocaine after a single glance at Carrie Fisher. And the whole experience seems to mirror some terrible 1960’s bad trip.

Actually, despite growing up with the Wars, I have no memory of this special whatsoever, and considered it an urban legend before I finally tracked down a VHS bootleg in the 90’s.

Too many fine people have written extensively on this not to be believed train-wreck for me to go into it in great detail, so I’ll keep this brief(ish). I’ll just run over some of the main points for those of you who’d rather not experience it first-hand:
- The big draw of the show was new footage from that galaxy far, far away. Pity then that what you get is clearly deleted footage of Vader wandering around the recently destroyed Death Star with new lines over-dubbed. Helps to not have to lip-sync…
- Shame that Life Day never really caught on as a new holiday. Beat Festivus by years…
- Love the decision to make the main characters non-English (Basic) speaking…and not subtitle. Entire minutes go by with no comprehensible dialogue. It’s like watching a Senate hearing…
- Chewie’s family – yikes. Let’s just say you don’t see a lot of these cosplayers. Which name is worse, Lumpy or Itchy? I’ll give you a few minutes…
- Mark Hamill looks terrifying under all that makeup, but do remember that he had been in a horrible car crash only weeks before. He alone gets a pass…
- The single most fascinating aspect of this show is how they seem determined to bring back the old-time variety show. Ironically, this must have been the nail in the coffin for that crap. Art Carney, Harvey Korman? Was Carol Burnett busy? What about Tim Conway?
- There’s a kind of perverse joy in seeing Harrison Ford trying to roll with the crap dialogue in the cardboard mock-up of the Falcon. It’s like anticipatory karma for being such a stuck-up grouch for the rest of his career…
- Speaking of perverse, I’m fairly sure that this is the first example of sci-fi porn on broadcast television. If you haven’t seen it, and I recommend that you don’t, Carney gives grandpa Itchy some sort of virtual reality visor that allows him to participate in the first known wookiee/human hologram phone sex in the galaxy. I wonder how many kids weren’t allowed to watch the 2nd hour of this show after this segment…
- Oh, did I not mention that this show was TWO HOURS LONG?
- Fortunately, fans of the movie can recover from Itchy’s indiscretions as we now check in with Princess Leia & C-3P0. One of these characters is stilted and expressionless; the other is a droid. (Alright, you’ve heard it…)
- Kids, don’t do drugs…
- Art Carney shows a new dimension of his ability by distracting a Death Star Trooper (with an impressive 1970’s stache) with a video of The Jefferson Starship. In the long sad history of military strategy, this gambit certainly has the element of surprise.
- Many fans of the trilogy will tell you that the only good thing about this is the cartoon by Nelvana which introduces Boba Fett. Don’t believe it. The cartoon is also awful.
- Fortunately, we will now check in on the scene at the cantina at Mos Eisley, where BEA ARTHUR carouses with all the aliens from the movie when not being hit on by Harvey Korman. This was probably the breaking point for most kids. Bea Arthur singing. What’s next?
- What’s next is that all the wookiees get wrapped up in red gowns and solemnly go to celebrate Life Day, when…
- LEIA ADDS WORDS TO THE MAIN STAR WARS THEME AND SINGS THEM! I told you not to turn the page! (In Grover voice)
For more: http://www.starwarsholidayspecial.com/

Bonnie Burton just this week sticks up for it: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57616191-1/in-defense-of-the-star-wars-holiday-special/?tag=mobile_social

The most in-depth article I’ve read on the debacle: http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2008/12/star_wars_special200812

Poster:

Coming up next CBS ad:

Kenner toy commercial:

All the commercials:

And finally, if you’ve made it this far…
December 25, 2013